April Blog Circle ~ Blessings, Magic, Tender Mercies, Grace…

 

As part of our efforts at sharing stories and creating healing circles, we are launching blog circles here at TAN. Each month we will post a brief message introducing the theme for the month, and inviting you to participate in the circle. All you need to do is put your name and link into the Mr Linky widget at the end of this post, and your blog post can be included in the circle. Posts are welcomed throughout the month (and beyond if you write something later and want to share). We hope you will participate.

 

A couple of weeks ago I talked here about my 2nd miscarriage.  It was a traumatic experience that left me upset enough to miscarry alone at home after that.  Even that is better then the humiliation I experienced on that cold, sterile table for my ultrasound to find out my baby was gone.  And the cold, sterile response and care by my doctor afterwards.  I was devastated.  This baby I wanted so much was gone.  I had already pictured this little person in my life.

Through this loss I found a miscarriage support message board.  And through this miscarriage I found the blessings, magic, tender mercies, grace of the experience.  A group of friends who also miscarried in March, April and May of 1998.  All of us were due in November of 1998.  We formed a tight knit little e-mail group, called ourselves the Topaz Club, and there I met some of my best friends.  We are still friends to this day.  In the past 15 years we have had other losses, welcomed new babies, seen each other through divorce and other heartaches, and celebrated each others joys.  Through our grief and pain of loosing our babies grew 15 years of friendships, with members of the Topaz Club living all over the world.

Blessings, Magic, Tender Mercies, Grace,  whatever you call it, there are these moments, times and experience of light in the darkness.  Sometimes they are very small.  Just a moment where you see a little bit of magic, or a blessing wrapped in the grief.  Sometimes it is significant, like close friendships made with people you may never have had the chance to meet otherwise.

For our Blog Circle this month (April) please share your own experiences of grace, tender mercies, magic, blessings,  or gifts that your miscarriage has given you.  If you have not experienced a miscarriage, please feel free to participate.  We all know someone who has miscarried and therefore have been touched by miscarriage in some way.


A loss confirmed

Today a friend of mine found out her baby died.  A missed miscarriage is what they call it.  She had mentioned sitting in the ultrasound room, half naked, waiting for the doctor to come in.  I remembered it.

It was 15 years ago this week.  I can’t believe it has been that long.  I had started bleeding heavily.  I went to the doctor for some blood work.  I continued bleeding and cramping throughout the weekend.  On monday morning we went to the hospital.  It was to rule out an ectopic pregnancy as I had been having a lot lower left quadrant pain with it all.

And this began one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.

At that point they required a full bladder for an early ultrasound.  I sat in the ultrasound room, stripped down, half naked in a hospital gown.  I was still bleeding heavily, and therefore bleeding all over the table.  And I had to go to the bathroom.

The person who did the ultrasound said just about nothing.  I tried commenting and small talk and got not much more than grunts out of him.  When it was over he said I had to see my doctor for results.  They handed me a pad and sent me to my doctors office where I waited.

The baby was gone.

But there was no compassion from the doctor.  She just said “It happens all the time to lots of women.  I had one and my nurse had two.”  But I found no comfort in that.  I just felt humiliated and broken.

The experience was so bad, that I never went back to the doctor for another miscarriage.  They couldn’t do anything anyway.  I lost the baby anyway.  And why sit through that, bleeding all over their tables.  In cold sterile rooms, talking to cold, sterile people.

And that is what it was.  Sterile.  Cold.  Humiliating.

 

Fundraising and Friendraising

In August of 2010, the idea for The Amethyst Network was born. That October we officially launched the website. Now, two years into the project, something has become very evident.

We, the organizers, seem to be good at organizing. We have a detailed and informational website. We have worthwhile and achievable goals. There is just one hitch: we don’t have the capital to do it all ourselves.
Thus far, every penny The Amethyst Network has spent has been out of the pockets of the founders. We are not good at asking people for money, and so we passively put a ‘donation’ button on the website and hoped… but nothing came of it. The time has come however where we cannot move forward without some money, and so we are asking for help.

We have started a fundraising campaign on indiegogo. There are some really nice things available as perks for those who donate. This is a short-term thing, just until the end of February. We are hoping to raise enough to pay our web-hosting and begin printing informational brochures for prenatal care providers’ offices. All the doulas and board members are still volunteer, we just want to be able to do more than we can with our own pocket change. Please take a moment to look. Truly, every dollar helps.

At the same time, we are doing a “Friendraiser” on facebook, alongside our fundraiser, in the hope that we can spread awareness of our group (and our fundraiser). That part is easy to participate in: share our link, like the page, tag us, and we like and tag you back. Networking for everyone!

We also hope that if you have a blog, you will consider writing about us, and sharing the information that way. This is important to us, and to so many families, but we can’t do it alone.

Thank you.

Podcast on Miscarrige in the LDS Context

One of our founders (Jenni Brighton) was featured in a recent podcast at Mormon Mental Health, talking about her miscarriage experiences, how her experiences and faith influenced one another, the decision to begin TAN, and her advice to others who are dealing with miscarriage or trying to support someone who is.

Although the discussion is within a Mormon context, most of it is easily applicable to other Christians as well.

Here are part 1 and part 2 of the podcast if you are interested in listening.

TAN is on Pinterest

Pinterest is very popular right now, and we thought it might be a good way to reach out to people who might not find us anywhere else. We’re also hoping that it can be a good way to spread information about miscarriage and miscarriage support.
So, if you’re a pinner, come visit our pinterest page!